Book of Isaiah 41:10

“I wasn’t looking for answers. I wasn’t looking for a new religion. I wasn’t looking to change anything. Then I heard a verse that stopped me in my tracks…”

Today began in the most unexpected way.

It is no secret that I have been struggling with my faith recently. Not necessarily with God, but with religion, obligation, identity, and the growing sense that I have been trying to force myself into a shape that no longer feels like my own.

I was not looking for answers. I was half-watching a documentary and scrolling on my phone when I heard a passage being read aloud. I was not paying full attention, yet something in those words struck me so deeply that I immediately stopped what I was doing, rewound the programme, and listened again.

And then I cried.

At the time, I assumed I was listening to a Christian text. Only later did I discover that the words came from Isaiah in the Hebrew Bible. The verse was simple:

“Fear not, for I am with you.”

Yet those words seemed to reach a place inside me that years of searching had not touched.

What affected me was not theology. It was relationship. For a moment, I felt I had encountered the kind of relationship with God I had been searching for all along. Not a God demanding, tallying, judging, or waiting for me to fail, but a God who was simply present.

That moment forced me to reflect on what I actually believe.

I believe there is one God. I believe truth matters. I believe kindness matters. I believe authenticity matters. I believe prayer matters.

But I no longer believe prayer is about earning points, avoiding punishment, or fulfilling a quota. Prayer is not for God; prayer is for us. It is connection, grounding, remembering, and realignment. I do not believe that God is a spiritual vending machine who grants wishes in response to the correct combination of words. I believe prayer changes the person who prays more than it changes reality.

I also find myself increasingly unable to accept exclusive religious claims. I do not believe that one religion possesses the whole truth about God. If God is truly God, then He must be greater than any human attempt to describe Him. No scripture, tradition, or theology can fully contain the Infinite.

What I am questioning is not God. What I am questioning is everything that stands between God and me.

As the day unfolded, I realised that what affected me was not simply the content of the verse. It was the feeling it left behind.

For the first time in a very long time, there were no questions afterwards. No second-guessing. No wondering whether I had done enough, prayed enough, or believed enough. There was no sense of needing to earn anything.

It was simply a statement.

A full stop.

For years, much of my spiritual life has felt like a series of question marks. Then, unexpectedly, I encountered words that felt like a full stop. Not because they answered every question, but because, for a moment, there was nothing to strive for, nothing to prove, and nothing to earn.

There was only the quiet reassurance of presence.

The closest description I can find is this:

I finally exhaled.

And perhaps that is why I now want to explore the Hebrew Bible further. Not because I am looking for a verdict or a new identity, but because I want to know whether there are more full stops.

Whatever comes next, I know this much:

I am not running away from God.

I am trying to find Him.