I’ve recently been through so many changes on personal level…. the realisations and peace have been overwhelming and on some days bringing me to tears humbling my ego and putting me back in touch with my true nature.
Some directions I was heading have had to end and as much as it has hurt to sacrifice these paths and people I trust that Allah will replace these with something better . This wouldn’t have made sense to me a year ago and I don’t expect it to make sense to anyone else but when you find this peace this level of understanding nothing else matters but living it
I love where I am and the support it gives my life on a daily basis just being able to connect with Allah knowing I am not alone that there is no need to control anything or understand anything other then to trust his plan is enough for me and brings with it a release from this dunya and like a leaf in the ocean I am free to drift in his creation knowing each wave is a test I will overcome
We can say we believe, we can say that we are muslims but the important thing is to stay on the straight path. Thats where the test is. And that is where a lot of people fail. They follow the truth for a while but then the winds of change in this world take them from right to left.
Staying on the straight path. For if you slip, you don’t know how deep that cliff is.
Astaghfirullah literally translates to “I seek forgiveness in God”.
Since embracing islam I have found myself seeking forgiveness allot. From myself I’m accepting I am not perfect and that it is ok not to be and then from Allah thr all forgiving and then from those I have hurt by my actions before I came to Islam
Today was the first step in making right the damage done to my daughters father. It will be a long journey as old wounds are revisited to take ownership of my accountability on these events but each day I say Astagjfirullah for my past and my imperfections in the hope of becoming better as I learn amd correct my behaviour
I wanted to begin re blogging as life over the last year especially through last 4.months has taken a very different path to what I could ever have imagined .
I fell in love with Islam. I reverted and became Muslim.
The path isn’t easy but as we are told Allah will always test us in this life and if it is hard it is because he knows we are strong enough and that the rewards are greater the harder the test.
Turning my back is how it felt at first on what my entire life and practices had been as a pagan for over 34 years and yet here I was and although islam was alien to me something in my heart knew it was where I needed to be,I had a sense of being home and acceptance and peace.
I struggle daily to learn and be a good Muslim but this is something else islam has taught me amd that is noone is perfect we all sin we all make mistakes and act in a haram manner but it is in the seeking of forgiveness,in truly seeking it that we are forgiven and our sins wiped clean in this life and the next. Now this doesn’t mean it gives you the key to a door to constantly commit haram sins but it means that it gives us a chance to do better to be better to care about doing this today as we are.not guaranteed a tomorrow.
Being Muslim and praying 5 times a day was a struggle at first with rising before dawn and trying to juggle life around prayer not prayer around life, learning the way to pray the Arabic words used, some of which I still struggle with but make dua constantly to help me learn. Yet daily everytime my head hits my prayer mat I am instantly connected to Allah to a peace I never knew existed and because of this I walk a path I no longer feel the need to control as i did before…..in the past by trying to control everything it gave me so much mental and emotional.torment whereas now I entrust my worries to Allah and feel at peace in my trust of his plan for me.
Islam has also taught me how to forgive how to truly understand true forgiveness as Allah himself is all forgiving and each day I say astaghfirullah. Islam makes me want to be a better person as Allah is my example and the prophet Muhammad pbh of how being grateful and patient and having faith through the tests in this Dunya with the belief in one God truly brings us back to our true selves which is a love based and peaceful existence with Allah and ourselves and those around us.
We all know that relationships won’t develop if one party is perpetually abusive. At the same time, it’s also very difficult for relationships to develop if one or both individuals cannot express their anger and disappointment, without running away. I had a dear friend once, one who was so afraid of conflict that he would go silent or flee the connection when he felt angry. He just couldn’t find the courage to stand in the fire and work it through. As a result, the connection spent years walking on unnaturally friendly eggshells, rather than growing to the next level of closeness. It’s one thing to refuse abusiveness in a connection, but quite another to flee every form of conflict. Sometimes, where there’s smoke, there’s transformation. But it takes courage to see it through… this often also takes facing our own shadows as that is all we are running from in truth
Seeking Sakina 