Author: Talia Noa

So what is my identity? when we think about identity we will always say what is most important to us first. For others it’s also often what they visually see first that identify’s us in their mind.

Without my hijab many people wouldn’t guess that I am muslim and I do have days where I dont wear the hijab, that is my struggle and my journey, but should that truly be the only reason I should identified as a muslim, by what I wear in my head ?

This time away from islam has had me thinking about how I identify and how others identify me. Firstly, whilst visually the hijab is a clear sign that someone is muslim generally, the hijab is much more than a head scarf.

Hijab includes conduct and behaviour among other things. Complete ‘hijab’, besides the six criteria of clothing, also includes the moral conduct, behaviour, attitude and intention of the individual. A person only fulfilling the criteria of ‘hijab’ of the clothes is observing ‘hijab’ in a limited sense. ‘Hijab’ of the clothes should be accompanied by ‘hijab’ of the eyes, ‘hijab’ of the heart, ‘hijab’ of thought and ‘hijab’ of intention. It also includes the way a person walks, the way a person talks, the way he behaves, etc.

In conclusion, the hijab is a protection for both men and women.

So Surely our character and our behaviour should be the identifying factor in defining who we are and not how we look the part and more about how we live the part. ?

So do you pray ?

I recently watched this video where the speaker was listing all these sins that we hear everyday as taking you out of the folds of islam , no hijab , alcohol , haram relationship, drugs etc the list was endless, and this list is pushed and I say pushed as many other muslims are quick to point out another sins under the disguise of guidance and advice but it is pointing at someone else’s struggle that is between them and Allah.

He went on to say that no matter what you are doing that you should PRAY, that no matter how much you feel a hypocrite for sinning and praying whilst committing these acts that you shouldn’t stop praying.

That you shouldn’t wait to have your life together perfectly before you start praying and instead to just PRAY, because it through praying that we will get our life together. That video turned my head back to islam.

It made me realise that YES I am not perfect, NOONE is nor will be, but to keep praying, for Allah is all forgiving.

I came to the conclusion that I dont need to leave islam just because I am not the perfect Muslim, that it is in praying and asking for forgiveness that I am ‘becoming’ a better muslim and this happens over time and that it’s ok to fall and fail, but to always come back to salah and ask for forgiveness. Perfection should never be the goal, just trying to be better than yesterday.

Surely, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed He is the most Forgiving, the Merciful’ (Quran 39:53)

Gratitude is not only the heart and essence of Islam; it is also the key to attracting abundance, prosperity, peace, and success in one’s life. Gratitude (Shukr) is the path to loving Allah and deepening that relationship.

In Islam, we are always taught to respond with what is best.

Sometimes if we are being verbally abused, the easiest thing to do is to respond back, but as the Prophet (pbuh) told us, if we remain silent, then an Angel responds to the slanderer, which is the best form of defense we could obtain.

There is almost no mention of rainbows in Islamic text, save for two hadiths attributed to Ibn ‘Abbas in Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 33/14, with one classified as sahih (authentic) as below, and another classified as da’īf (weak):

عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ‏:‏ الْقَوْسُ‏:‏ أَمَانٌ لأَهْلِ الأَرْضِ مِنَ الْغَرَقِ، وَالْمَجَرَّةُ‏:‏ بَابُ السَّمَاءِ الَّذِي تَنْشَقُّ مِنْهُ

Ibn ‘Abbas said, “The rainbow is security for the people of the earth that they will not be drowned. The Milky Way is the door of the heavens and forms a furrow through it.”

— Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 765

If you had told me back in 2016, no wait 2015 that I would be where I am today I would have said you were absolutely MAD.

I would never have believed you that I would have got married within 48 hours of physically meeting in a country I’ve never been. I would never have believed that at 44 I would have had another baby. I would never of believed you that I would also divorce someone I truly loved 7 years later. I most certainly would never have believed you that I would have survived a global pandemic, had almost died twice or that I would have become Muslim.

You see there is our plan and there is Allah’s plan.

Whilst sometimes its difficult to see why certain things have to happen the way they do, especially when they are breaking our hearts or placing us so close to death, but everything is by design and for a reason, even if that reason is not clear to us.

It is always clear to Allah.

He heard the conversations you didn’t, he sees into the heart of everyone, believers and non believers. He sees the road, before you have placed even a foot onto it.

So if something is removed we must trust that it was for our own good and that he will replace it with something better

I view my path to Islam as one that was fraught with obstacles, things and people that sadly had to be removed as they were not supporting me in my growth , in my connection to a deeper truth. I will always carry them in a place in my heart as they were part of the journey I am now on, but I release them all with love.

Isha hit differently last night after what had been one of the most impossible weeks with test after test pushing me to the edge everytime .

Each test felt like I was being slammed against a brick wall like some crash test dummie leaving me mentally drained emotionally empty and physically in pain from complete exhaustion and yet every salah I turn to him but Isha on Friday night was different

For the first time in a long time I cracked I felt what it meant once again to truly open and let everything come flooding out. Sat in the darkness on my mat with nothing but me and Allah I cried and not from my eyes but from somewhere much deeper, throwing my arms in the air asking for relief for anything good to be sent as I AM in desperate need, then I fell head first to my mat and stayed there releasing all that burdened my heart had been released and my eyes could shed no more.

Exhausted I dragged myself to bed. Praying hoping Allah has heard me. Waking the next morning I woke late for Fajr as was so exhausted but not just from emotion but also a dream where a man silently stood in a desert just smiling reassuring me all is okay . I woke crying once again but this time tears of joy and confusion at what I had just experienced, but in my heart there was now a peace that wasn’t there before. So there will not be any questions or analysing it for interpretation, just acceptance.

Peace …. We are often sold peace, yes sold it. This Dunya would have you believe that you need to earn peace, either through endless self help courses or mediations or by getting the latest this or that the perpetual cycle of commercial need pedalling peace for a price. We are told That ultimate peace is something we must find outside of ourselves forever elusive always beyond our reach which is a lie.

Peace is about giving up that search, it’s surrendering our entire being to the one that created us. In surrendering we begin to come from a position of divine peace, mirroring love trust and compassion into this Dunya freely, without any expectation of receiving anything in return.

Knowing that peace isn’t something elusive or a final destination but found within ourselves and in every moment we experience

We just need to surrender.

And indeed my lord is with me….

What a beautiful and crazy busy day

I praise Allah for all I have been given in my life I am humbled by his presence in my life and the opportunity he has given me.

Alhamdulillah for food and family and a home we are so blessed Alhamdulillah

Allahu Akbar…. he truly is. I am blessed.

I am captivated

Alhamdulillah I am free from covid but have damage from it. Lung function is now lower and my energy is struggling due to reduced oxygen. This has in turn brought issues with my heart and circulation. So I am back on aspirin daily to reduce the risk of stroke or heart attack. I haven’t been able to pray so I have allot to catch up on.