Author: Aryana Darya

In the stillness before dawn, as the world slumbers, I rise for Fajr prayer. With a simple meal, I nourish body and spirit, aware of others, scattered yet connected, sharing this sacred moment across the globe. In this quiet communion, we find unity amidst the silence of the sleeping world.

We headed to the beach today it was such a need. I’m such a water person I feel closer to Allah when I am on my board in the water making Dua.

This last few years have been one of my biggest tests with seriously ill health and no positive future outlook.This year is still as hard but by his grace I made it to Ramadan

On this second day of Ramadan, I find solace by the ocean, connecting with Allah through His tranquil creation. The gentle breeze and vast expanse remind me of His mercy and greatness, filling my heart with gratitude and awe. In this moment of stillness, I recognize my responsibility to be more compassionate towards myself, acknowledging the need for healing and self-care during this sacred time.

As I reflect on the blessings of Ramadan, I am reminded to extend the same compassion to myself as I do to others, nurturing my soul and my body and fostering inner peace.
Asiya 💕

There comes a moment when we’re called to quiet the noise around us and tap into our inner wisdom, to break free from external pressures and embrace our true selves. It’s a time to embody the knowledge we already possess, to listen to our inner voice amidst the chaos of the world.

This is the moment to delve deep within, to connect with Allah on a profound level, showing ourselves the same compassion He bestows upon us, so that we can radiate that compassion outwards and enrich the world around us.

Asiya 💕

I have the most random feelings and thoughts whilst on my prayer mat.

Today it was about why I cry when my forehead and nose touch my mat and it’s simple. It is because it gives the same feeling of deep love that a forehead kiss does from a loved one.

Everyday I fall more and more in love with Allah and his love ❤️

It’s not setting an alarm, It’s that call deep from within your sleep that wakes you.

The call of Allah

Tahajjud is an honor.​
He chose you to be with Him. He hand picked you among all of His creations to come and sit with him so he can listen to you ​while you pour your heart out before Him.

Even if you don’t speak, He knows. Even if you don’t know how and where to start, He knows.

​“Whether you speak in secrecy or aloud, (it is all the same to Allah). He even knows the secrets that lie hidden in the chests of people.”​ (Quran, 67:13)

​Imagine the love and mercy He has for you, that He wakes you to give you this chance of being His guest​.
To elevate your ranks, to grant you His forgiveness and to grant you the best.
That which He has kept only for His chosen ones.​
​So try to be with Him. Look for the signs of divine invitation.​
Leave everything for this sacred conversation.

Alhamdulillah

This last week has been one of the hardest I’ve ever known.Today was breaking point, a turning point, a turning back and full of signs. For example the MacBook time is this verse… (12:34);So his Lord responded to him, turning their cunning away from him. Surely He is the All-Hearing, All-Knowing.

Later my book fell open on the other paragraph. All signs I am indeed not alone but protected and that I am reminded that… Inna Ma’iya Rabbi Sayahdin indeed my Lord is with me, He will guide meSura Shu’ara, 26:62

This morning, well to be truthful this entire last week I’ve been feeling very disconnected from Islam, disconnected from praying as it’s that time of the month but also from wearing my hijab, from the ummah and it’s made me feel very down, almost looking for reasons why I shouldn’t be on this path, as lets face it, life as a revert isn’t easy at all, we leave so much of our past behind that can often contain some of our best childhood memories with family etc only to find ourselves still searching and often alone in that search and questioning, desperately trying to find our place, trying to find our feet to walk, often many years after we took our shahada.

Today on the morning school run,  as I was getting the children out of the car, something happened that took me a moment to register but affected me deeply. Heavy in pain with my second kidney infection and bronchitis I was struggling with everything and deeply lost in that thought then as I looked up I noticed from the back of another sen  transport car, the escort, a fellow hijabi giving me the biggest smile and was waving at me. It took me a second to register she was actually waving at me and not my daughter, so I smiled and waved back. This small act gave me such a good feeling it touched me deep within my heart.

That small moment was so much more than a simple wave and greeting when I was feeling so lost and disconnected. On refelction it was reminder and it’s made me realise that the smallest of things are sent by Allah when we need them the most that I am not lost or disconnected from him but found and deeply connected. Life is just testing me right now, but as I am reminded

 ‘He guides towards Him those who repent and believe, and blesses them peace of heart by remembering Him‘ (Holy Quran, Ra’d: Ayat27-28).

Verily, with hardship there is relief” (Qur’an 94:6)

Thankyou sister whoever you are. 

Allah says in the Quran, “We are closer to him than (his) jugular vein.” (50:16).

He also says, “He surely knows best what is ˹hidden˺ in the heart.” (67:13.)

So we should know we aren’t alone. No matter how transparent our tears become and how invisible it seems to the world, He knows all about them. He understands every hardship we are going through better than us. Even if the whole world abandons us, we should not forget His promise.

“When My servants ask you ˹O Prophet˺ about Me: I am truly near.”(2:186)

Ive always loved this speech given by Yasmin Mogahed where she speaks about tawwakul where she says:

Tawakkul is having full faith that Allah will take care of you—even when things look impossible. Tawakkul is standing in front of the Red Sea—as Prophet Musa did—with an army behind you, and not even flinching, knowing that Allah will get you through. It is having full faith that when Allah takes away the umbilical cord, He will replace it with milk.”

Musa alayhi salam simply said, inna ma’eyah rabbi sayahdeen (Most certainly, My Lord is with me, He will guide). Allah ordered Musa alayhi salam to strike the sea with his staff, and the sea split. He trusted, and Allah split the sea for him

The actual Sura is:

إِنَّ مَعِيَ رَبِّي سَيَهْدِينِ

Inna Ma’iya Rabbi Sayahdini

Indeed my Lord is with me, He will guide me

Sura Shu’ara, 26:62

I repeat this every salah after I have finished and made dua its like my announcement that I trust completely in Allah even if I dont know what’s going to happen i trust in the plan of Allah, I trust he will always give or take away or decide what is best for me no matter what it is.

ive leant on this Sura allot recently with life, with decisions I needed to make that I knew weren’t what I wanted but also knew they weren’t good for me and put my complete trust in Allah and his plan for me, even if it took me away from those I loved dearly once.

We al have our own paths to walk and mine is towards Allah and not those that take me away from him through their actions or by trying to drag me down to their level.

I know in the moment that something is moved away from me that it wasn’t good for me and that if by his grace, it will be replaced with something better. But above all I trust this process.

I wont lie I am struggling to maintain life and Salah balance. I find the school holidays the hardest, the non stop demands and need to oversee support the struggles my children have due to disability. mix that together with my own health failing as I await surgery at the moment I barely have the energy let alone the time to pray. It bothers me immensely if I miss even one then I find i’ve missed a whole day and my heart sinks.

I know when life is bad or rather my health as I dont pray at all as im asleep… exhausted and sick .

I feel like depression takes over at that point where I beat myself up and then feel bad as I haven’t prayed then feel bad again then sink further into lack of motivation as exhausted from health again physically and emotionally…..its a vicious circle.

I dont know what the solution is some people would say pray but that’s easier said then done when you sleep due to utter exhaustion due to being sick every day, and I guess that comes from where people dont really understand chronic illness. Allot of people assume that you get better haha or worse frustrated with you when you aren’t better after a week and now you must be faking it for attention…. I wish I felt better ….it certainly isn’t for attention as trust me we get sick of being asked how we are when we know the cycle of reply and response and that our own bodies hate us more than you do with us not getting better and being ‘able’.

No-one beats us up more than our bodies and our own expectations and disappointment in it not being able and fit, or for our bodies being so unpredictable that we often have to cancel plans last minute as its let us down and in turn you.

so yeah im struggling with not only my body and my mental health but the guilt of not praying, so voices telling me what I should be doing are not welcome I know what I should be doing but im also aware of what I can and can’t do so maybe a little understanding would go a long way instead

may allah grant me ease