Peace

Maybe I was meant to get all the hardest days out of the way early.

I feel like that lone swan, gliding alone over dark, restless waters—carrying every struggle, every wave of pain. From the very beginning, life hasn’t been kind. It’s tested me — my strength, my patience, my heart. Fighting every day just to keep my children safe, protected and supported. Battles no one sees, but that have shaped me deep inside.

Sometimes I wonder if all this suffering is a kind of mercy — maybe I’m being prepared, hardened, so that I can finally find peace someday.

Yet even through all these struggles I know this is my moment to truly trust.

Inna maya rabbi sayyadeen. My Lord is with me. He is guiding me.

I repeat it over and over, because sometimes it’s all I have. I don’t know the way forward clearly, but I’m trying to trust His plan — even when the darkness feels so heavy.

I want freedom. I want a life where I can breathe, where my children can smile without fear. I want to work, to travel, to give them everything I never had. I hold onto this hope fiercely, even when it feels fragile.

Allah says, “And whoever fears Allah — He will make for him a way out. And will provide for him from where he does not expect.” (Surah At-Talaq 65:2-3)

I cling to that promise like a lifeline. I believe He tests those He loves not to break us, but to raise us up — to make us stronger than we ever thought possible.

Maybe this new chapter is already beginning, even if I can’t see it yet.

Maybe this feeling inside me — the quiet, fragile hope — is the first soft light of dawn after a long, dark night. It starts with trust. It starts with whispered prayers that only my heart knows. It starts with faith that Allah will open doors no one else can see.

It begins with one small step — uncertain, trembling — but mine.

I remind myself: every hardship holds a hidden wisdom. Every tear carries meaning. Every moment of struggle is seen by the Most Merciful.

So I keep walking forward. I keep praying. I keep believing.

I am not alone. Allah is with me in every breath, every step. As I search for freedom, for peace, for a new life — I hold tight to this truth:

“Indeed, with hardship comes ease.” (Surah Ash-Sharh 94:6)

I hold onto that promise with everything I have. It is my light in the darkest moments. The peace I long for is coming — just like the swan glides peacefully over the dark water, graceful and strong, even when the depths below are shadowed.