She Brought Me Back to Curiosity

This morning, I tried to carry on as if I hadn’t just had surgery. I wanted to feel normal, productive, in control. But by the afternoon, my body had made the decision for me — I was unwell, and I had no choice but to rest.

And in that stillness, something beautiful happened.

Instead of numbing myself with scrolling or mindless background noise, I chose to rest intentionally. A dear sister on another social media platform recently had shared a link to a YouTube series that’s a panel hosted by Niamh B. Roberts, featuring four niqabi women — and I found myself drawn in. Each woman brought her own story, her own struggle, her own triumph.

But it was Hanaan Menk, daughter of Mufti Menk, who truly spoke to my heart.

I’d never heard her speak before. I didn’t expect much. But what I found was a woman of insight, compassion, and striking balance. She understood both the world of born Muslims and the wounds and wonder that reverts carry. Her words weren’t just informed — they were lived. And they reached somewhere deep inside me.

She made me want to know my deen again.

Not just to practice it. Not to perform it. But to be curious again — to search, to ask, to understand with sincerity.

They spoke about hijab — the layers, the resistance, the pressure, the journey. Some spoke of wearing it off and on like a switch, others of years of slow transformation. All of them are niqabis now. But none pretended the road was easy or without detours.

Hanaan, who has worn hijab from a young age, didn’t preach. She empathised. She understood why others struggle. She honoured that struggle. And somehow, that made her words all the more powerful.

As I lay there, healing from surgery, I realised I’m also healing from distance — distance from my own faith. I’ve been pulled in too many directions: social media noise, distractions, the silent pressure to be something. But today, in quiet rest, Allah (SWT) reminded me that the only relationship I truly need right now… is the one with Him.

This session pulled me back. Back to the why. Back to the heart. Back to the longing.

And maybe that’s what sincerity looks like. Not perfection. But returning, again and again, to Allah — with honesty, with humility, with curiosity.

So I think it’s time for me to leave the noise behind for a while. To write. To reflect. To sit with my faith — not as someone who’s lost it, but as someone who’s ready to rediscover it.

And to Hanaan Menk — thank you. You reminded me what it feels like to want to know Allah again.