The Day a Muslim Man Made Me Question My Faith

Oh, did I just have my faith shaked.

Not in a cute, spiritual-growth, sit-cross-legged-and-breathe-through-it kind of way.

No, I mean shattered. Like a bottle hitting concrete. Like a soul being violated.

This past week? I got stalked. Harassed. Lied about. Twisted.

By a man from Pakistan who appointed himself the gatekeeper of all things true and Islamic.

Not because I was immodest. Not because I showed skin. Not because I defied some “proper Muslim woman” aesthetic.

It was because I didn’t agree with him.

Because I questioned the narrative he was trying to shove down everyone’s throat.

And for that—he came for me.

He accused me of things I never even said.

He twisted my words. Projected his own agenda. Made wild assumptions, drew his own conclusions, and then went on a full-blown obsession-fueled smear campaign. Stalking. Spying. Reposting. Mocking. Threatening. Flooding. Obsessing.

And the part that shook me?

It wasn’t just his madness—it was that he claimed Islam while doing it.

Because I know this religion. I chose this religion.

I submitted to this path believing it was the way of peace.

And this man? He violated every principle it’s built on.

“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other.”

— Surah Al-Hujurat (49:12)

He did all of it.

He assumed.

He slandered.

He spied.

He stalked.

He backbit.

And all while claiming the deen.

This wasn’t just an interpersonal issue—it was spiritual betrayal.

Because Islam doesn’t just put rules on women.

Men are equally bound.

Bound not to accuse.

Bound not to follow someone around like a shadow with a knife.

Bound to lower their gaze, control their tongues, check their egos, and act with decency.

“And speak to people good [words]…”

— Surah Al-Baqarah (2:83)

He didn’t.

Not once.

And if that wasn’t enough—he claimed righteousness while violating every line of it.

That’s why my faith got shaken.

Because I expected it from the Islamophobes.

I expected it from the trolls.

I expected it from people who don’t know better.

But from someone who says “La ilaha illAllah”?

From someone who quotes Quran in between abuse?

That’s spiritual violence. And it makes you question everything.

It made me ask:

Who really gets to call themselves Muslim?

Is it the person dressed right, speaking right, quoting hadith like bullets—while their heart is full of filth?

Or is it the one who struggles privately, but never harms a soul?

Because honestly—I don’t care how someone dresses, or how many raka’ah they pray. If their tongue is a sword and their ego is a throne, then that ain’t Islam. That’s performance.

“Verily, the most beloved of you to Allah are those with the best character.”

— Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, reported in Bukhari and Muslim

Character. Akhlaq.

Not costume. Not clout. Not control.

So yeah—my faith got hit.

Not because of doubt in God, but because of disgust in what some people do in His name.

And it made me come back to this:

“Verily, Allah does not look at your appearance or your wealth, but He looks at your hearts and your deeds.”

— Sahih Muslim, 2564

So no—I don’t need to dress a certain way to be Muslim.

I don’t need to look the part for you.

I don’t need to shrink my spirit to fit your comfort.

My faith isn’t on trial because you couldn’t control your ego.

I’m Muslim.

Not because you allow it.

But because I believe—in God. In truth. In intention. In heart.

And if intention is what matters most, then Allah sees me.

Not the clothes.

Not the profile pic.

Not the narrative you built to destroy me.

But me.

And that? That’s enough.

And if you’re reading this—know this:

I don’t forgive you.

Not for twisting my words.

Not for stalking me.

Not for slandering my name and dragging my faith through the dirt.

Not for making me question the very thing I turned to for peace.

You want to talk about Islam?

Then you should know:

“Whoever causes his brother to despair of the mercy of Allah has committed a grave sin.”

— (paraphrased from multiple hadith and tafsir sources on despair and spiritual harm)

You made me question Islam through your actions.

You pushed me into a dark place while claiming the light.

And for that? You’ll answer to the One you used as a weapon.

Because if I ever stand on the Day of Judgment and say,

“Ya Allah, he made me doubt You,”

then it won’t be me you need to worry about—it’ll be Him.

So unless you go seeking His forgiveness?

Unless you make tawbah for what you did with your tongue, your lies, your ego?

The hellfire you tried to throw me into might just be waiting for you instead.