Isha

Isha hit differently last night after what had been one of the most impossible weeks with test after test pushing me to the edge everytime .

Each test felt like I was being slammed against a brick wall like some crash test dummie leaving me mentally drained emotionally empty and physically in pain from complete exhaustion and yet every salah I turn to him but Isha on Friday night was different

For the first time in a long time I cracked I felt what it meant once again to truly open and let everything come flooding out. Sat in the darkness on my mat with nothing but me and Allah I cried and not from my eyes but from somewhere much deeper, throwing my arms in the air asking for relief for anything good to be sent as I AM in desperate need, then I fell head first to my mat and stayed there releasing all that burdened my heart had been released and my eyes could shed no more.

Exhausted I dragged myself to bed. Praying hoping Allah has heard me. Waking the next morning I woke late for Fajr as was so exhausted but not just from emotion but also a dream where a man silently stood in a desert just smiling reassuring me all is okay . I woke crying once again but this time tears of joy and confusion at what I had just experienced, but in my heart there was now a peace that wasn’t there before. So there will not be any questions or analysing it for interpretation, just acceptance.